Our Daily Dead

Differential diagnosis of sudden death in 39 year-old person is fairly limited (but look for Hollywood, Florida CSI to come up with, “Indeterminate.”) Considerations include heart (primary disturbance of heartbeat or myocardial infarction), blood vessels (blood clot to lungs or brain, rupture of blood vessel), or toxic (drugs or alcohol or drugs and alcohol). Leading cause of death in the “indeterminate” category is “The Cosmic Flyswatter.”

Why our obsession with Vickie Lynn Hogan (aka “Anna Nichole Smith”)? Was it her brains, artistic creativity, tireless work in solving the plight of the downtrodden, taste in clothing, social activism, political brilliance, efforts as a nutritional role model, or dedication saving William Jefferson Clinton from the deep dark pit of lechery and wankerhood? Nope, none of that, although the last possibility certainly has its own form of merit. Vickie Lynn Anna Nichole’s talent was exuding the very weird, hideously hyperbolic macromastic, image of womanhood, thus sending a monumental negative nebulistic message to women of realistic proportions (i.e. those in the 95% of the bell-shaped curve–oh god, was that an ODDpun?), and at the same time providing a two dimensional sexual aid to men. Distortion caries a heavy burden.

All this brings us to a few ODDthoughts. Forget all the theistic differences between Muslims and the Western world. One likes their women covered up, the other with their clothes off. Different method, same message. Here’s another thoughts for the day. Follow closely now. Anna Vickie Nichole Lynn recently had a baby, the father of whom is up for debate. The Prophet Abu al-Qasim Muhammad married his second (or possibly third) wife Ayescha when she was six years old (although he waited until he considered her to be a proper age before consummating the marriage–Ayescha was nine when the Prophet did the deed.) Hold on, don’t go P.C. quite yet. Most would say bedding a nine-year old is a reasonable candidate for the type of behavior that got John Mark Karr into a whole lot of trouble, a business class ticket to Boulder, Colorado and a lot of press re. the Jon Benet Ramsey case.

Okay, time for an interim summary. Death, sex, children, and…

everyone thus far associated with this story seems to have three names. But wait, there’s more… Prince Frederic Von Halt claims he’s the father of Anna Lynn Hogan’s child, Dinnelynn (that’s two names in our ODDbook). And to whom is the good Prince married? Ah hah–Zsa Zsa Gabor! The way we see it, we need a crack investigator brought in on the Anna Nichole Smith case, one with a sterling history of solving tough problems related to death, small children, and pediophiles. We ODDones say, bring in the Boulder, Colorado District Attorney, MARY LACY KEENAN!

~~The ODDones for OurDailyDead.com

Technorati tags: CSI, Vickie Lynn Hogan, Anna Nichole Smith, Abu al-Qasim Muhammad, Ayescha, John Mark Karr, Boulder, Jon Benet, Frederic Von Halt, Dinnelynn, Zsa Zsa Gabor, MARY LACY KEENAN

Arts thanks to Joyce Wein and many, many years of the Newport Jazz Festival and Crafts thanks to Joe Ranft who met the Cosmic Flyswatter off the coast of Mendocino.

And if you’ve never been DO make a point to tour the Mendocino coast. Magnificent.

We know that our ODDfans are a thinking bunch so we dug up this interesting bit on music, lyrics and the first amendment: Just what the Bleep is going on here anyway? (And no we didn’t point you there just because McMurty is part of the article. Honest.)

From the WTFO files and just when you thought it could not be weirder…meet Joe Joachim, who says he wants to be the Walt Disney of the funeral business and his, er, wonderful (?) new product the Vidstone. Do you think our newly departed Joe Ranft would mind a continuous loop Bug’s Life on his Vidstone? So much for the peace and quiet of the graveyard. Endless loop of Steamboat Willie anyone?

And before you take us to task we know, we know, we know. The ODDcalendar failed to clang and we missed a big celebration yesterday - so solly. It doth seem that Hello Kitty turned 30. Back to the attic with you and find those collectibles.

And our final tip of the day…when in doubt just go with the Steak Special.

Ted Greene, the antithesis of a rock star guitarist (think the anti- Keith Richards
) died in L.A. Heart attack is the suspected cause. Greene’s guitar genius was holistic
; he could play from jazz to Bach, and had a gift for transcribing arrangements for the guitar. He lived simply. Isn’t it interesting that his obituary mentions as one of the criteria for a simple life, not having an answering machine. We’ve linked below to his only solo album as well as books he wrote on guitar theory. Here’s a link to a photo of Greene
. Looks like he liked Fender
.

We ODDones are a bit buried which we assure you relates to work, and is not a metaphorical riff about our preoccupation with quietus
. We’re preparing a talk on revival of the Chautauqua movement
. Honest. And we don’t know nothin’ about the Chautauqua movement other than it burned brightly and burned out except for three places in the U.S., one of which is in deepest darkest Boulder, Colorado
, another in up-state New York
, and the other in (drum roll) Ohio
. Honest x 2. Okay, but this does give us an idea for today’s ODDassociation. The Pretender’s classic
“Back to Ohio” has a memorable guitar line
. Rush Limbaugh
loops it as his bumper music, which must give Chrissie Hynde
no end of dyspepsia
. Both Limbaugh and Hynde have a common love of animals. Hynde is active in PETA
; Limbaugh finds them tasty.

I went back to ohio
But my pretty countryside
Had been paved down the middle
By a government that had no pride
The farms of ohio
Had been replaced by shopping malls
And muzak filled the air
From seneca to cuyahoga falls
Said, a, o, oh way to go ohio

Please keep the feeding tube in a bit longer.