Archive for the 'Cosmic Flyswatter' Category

Damn

Posted in ODD Blogs, Cosmic Flyswatter on July 15th, 2005

I think we can relate to the lousy moment, when an otherwise technically superb person, skilled person seemingly does the right thing, and the cosmic flyswatter comes in an gives us a big biff, and that’s how the eons remember us. T’ain’t fair. So when you pull up the covers tonight, remember today’s obit of Mickey Owen, and think, “Life isn’t fair, and then you die.”

Tag you’re it.

~~The ODDones for OurDailyDead.com

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Beep beep’m beep beep yeah

Posted in ODD Blogs, Cosmic Flyswatter on June 7th, 2005

Looks like cars are once again out to kill us. Adolfo Zinser raised the acid-level in Bush administration stomachs when, as Mexico’s envoy to the U.N. he forcefully opposed the invasion of Iraq . Jeep Liberty got him.

The cosmic flyswatter used a 2005 Porsche Carrera GT to do in noted Internet entrepreneurial guru Cory Rudl. (We’ve linked to both his books.) Rudl was heavy on recommending the use of pop-ups. Grrrr. When your Internet-based business is wildly successful, you can buy a Porshe GT on eBay (but better do a vehicle history report, and see if it’s been wrecked.) We ODDfellows are known to get a bit heavy footed with the 8-track blaring out Insane Clown Posse’s “Bizzar” throbbing above the sincere little whine of our diarrhea brown Yugo 45. We love to slam down a Red Bull-resins-red beans-and grappa cocktail, shout “Speed Kills,” and terrorize Texas tourists in Hummers. Game on. (BTW, we’re entering our Red Bull cocktail in this year’s Red Bull competition. Obviously, we have no choice than to name it the “Red Bull BS”, which describes both our concept and the physiological consequences of actually drinking it. Double-game on. )

Okay, we know this is getting out of control today, but do you think General Motors naming a large, overtly masculine, gas guzzling, “sports utility vehicle” after a sex act
was intentional?

We’re off to the therapist for playful repartee and reinforcement.

~~The ODDones for OurDailyDead.com

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ODD Sunday Recap!!!!

Posted in ODD Blogs, Cosmic Flyswatter on April 24th, 2005

Maybe, instead of quoting ‘Voodoo Child’ we should have entitled yesterday’s comments: ‘Snotty-nosed, whinny, well-socialized little-brat-graduates of mini-gladiator schools live longer’. No, this is not a Mike Jackson defense tactic, but has to do with the report of decreased incidence of leukemia in children routinely enrolled in day care.

Evidently yesterday was also a bad day to be an Englishman. Oscar-winning actor, and father of Haley and Janet, Sir John Mills coasted off. Writer David Hughes has moved on.

So, let’s look quickly at the week in review of those no longer with us on our little spaceship:

JERRY BYRD (85): marvelous and versatile electric steel guitarist. (We ODDfellows failed to pick up on the irony of his last name and our report of chicken resuscitation.)

JOHN FRED (63): John Fred and the Playboy band went from rocking Louisiana road houses to international prominence by singing ‘Lemonade pie with a brand new car, cantaloupe eyes come to me tonight. Judy in disguise with glasses.’ All things 60’s psychedelia, bubblegum, rockabilly, a little hint of zydeco, and R&B.

RICHARD POPKIN (81): Well, it’s said this skeptical philosopher is dead, but we be so sure?

WB LIPES (84): Navy pharmacist who removed a shipmates appendix on a submarine. Don’t try this at home.

SAM MILLS (45): All-Pro football player and coach who proved you can’t coach heart. Dead too soon.

GEORGE MOLCHAN (82): Drove the Oscar Myer Weinermobile, hey, it was a job, and think of the people he met. Did he take work home with him?

LAURA CANALES (50): Known as ‘The Barbara Streisand of Tejano Music’, we hope Canales was not offended. She died of complications of gall bladder surgery. Evidence of the existence of ‘The Cosmic Flyswatter.’

DIANE KNIPPERS (53): Politically powerful evangelical Christian. In a world of red and blue states, we ODDfellows prefer to think of ODDland as purple.

CLEMENT MEADMORE (76): Constructed massive metal sculptures’sort of artistic heavy-lifting.

SAUNDERS MAC LANE (95): Mathematician known for studies and writings in algebra. Please solve the following equation: ‘(Al Gore + Sheryl Crow) / x = Larry the Cable Guy
; what is x?’ Send answers to ODDfellows

JAMES HOUSTON (83): Writer who helped popularize Eskimo sculpture, and gets this week’s award for best obituary: how to capture a wolverine with a Kleenex. See April 22 ODDcomment for answer.

NEILS-HENNING ORSTED PEDERSEN (58): Jazz bassest, with great talent and a funny name. Well, he was Danish.

NORMAN NEWELL (96): Paleontologist who popularized theories of mass extinction is now extinct.

That’s the week in review. We ODDones are considering some springtime remodeling, so keep your eyes peeled on www.ourdailydead.com. Here’s to fresh french-fries and coolranch dressing.

~~The ODDones for OurDailyDead.com

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