Salute to the American Redneck.
It’s a sad day in Redneck Land
—no, we don’t mean Hurricane Katrina
, but rather the death of Elwood L. Perry, inventor of the spoonplug fishing lure
. Elwood systematized the stalking of fishes, but studying their behavior, and predicting wherefore they whereby be. Take heart those of you who have taken literally the challenge of building a better mousetrap
. Elwood built a better fish lure. Now if someone would just come up with a sleeping bag zipper that didn’t get stuck, or sound-dampened Port-a-Potty
, or a Big Mac
that didn’t leak lettuce and sesame seeds, then America would be a friendlier place for those who genuflect at the alter of NASCAR
and keep filling out Powerball
tickets with various variations of 3
.
All this has got the ODDfellows thinking about the many products that truly enhance the quality of life for those who find the sound and whiff of a diesel pickup better than Viagra
. Here is just a partial listing:
The Tailgatorz:
A handy device that turns your tailgate into a chair when you back into your parking space at the local drive-in movie.
Beer can chicken cooker:
A whole new way to recycle
Bass boat:
American ingenuity at work—just don’t fall in with the battery.
High dollar ski vacations:
Something you definitely won’t see at Vail.
Self-applicating condoms:
All hail the speed strip applicator.
Stealth scouting cameras:
Suitable for the game trail or bedroom.
Various scents for deer hunting: “Scrape Juice,”
“Buck Bomb,”
and the every popular “Standing Estrous Scent.”
If you want a particularly unique incense stick, why not try “Deer Sense?”
It, a. “Masks your odors,” and b. “Has a powerful sexual attractant.” Yes sir, after polishing off that beer can chicken with that special someone, you can fire up the old Deer Sense, and, if you’re lucky, impresses the heck out of them with your Mossy Oak
sheets, and if you’re even luckier, break out the self-applicating condoms. (But we digress).
Uncle Boogers Bumper Dumper:
The ultimate in portable toilets.
Gotta go renew our subscription to Redneck World
.
